As a child, I can only speak of myself as WE. When I speak of myself in “I” form, I feel as if I am leaving out part of the truth. We had the twin super power. Alone we were shy, but as a couple we had something that others had long forgotten. We had this unconditional love between us. We trusted each other blindly and when someone else judged us, we objectified our subjective perception. We were a perfectly harmonised team. We lived freedom by each taking on a role. The role that the corresponding twin suited better. I was the warrior, my sister, the mediator. And because we were so close, it took a storm every now and then to feel our difference. Our hatred didn't last long. And often it lasted only as long as our parents ran to hold us accountable for our conflicts. Then we were a “one” again. Connected. They didn't understand. They began to judge us and pass judgement on which of us was to blame for our conflict. This is where our external division began. I became the “bad” twin, she became the “good” twin. I had split off the “good” and she had split off the “bad” in order to be able to live the connection. We were no longer whole. We lost our trust and crash landed from the paradise of unconditional love. We were told that if we wanted to be in a relationship with a man, we could no longer live our love. Otherwise the man might be jealous of our relationship. This is how our family, friends, psychologists and society think about love. It was only either or. We didn't even notice the bias. It was said that I refused. My only option was to separate. But the separation left a huge gap. What was most impressive to me was that I felt heartbroken with my twin sister, as if a man had left me. I was more alone than ever before. I had so separated myself from the 'rejection' that I myself was the rejection. I was physically alone. I could no longer close myself off from the loneliness that was rising up inside me. I had lost myself and what I was in the world for. I was so alone, there was no one I could separate myself from. I let all the pain happen. Everything I thought about why I was in this world had crumbled. I died a death. And it was precisely in this aloneness that I came across a core within me, my soul, that told me why I was here. I started singing again, painting, crafting, dancing, being playful and creative. Right here I reconnected with a source that I had confused with the love for my sister and I am in "being". Identical twins are created by splitting of one cell. The root of the german word 'twin' already contains the dichotomy and doubt that we all carry within us. You could also say that I separated from myself in order to recognise myself. And this is basically the lowest denominator of what we humans also experience on a larger scale. We experienced this awareness of "oneness", a connection with the greater whole on a physical level, and experienced a strength in childhood that singletons often do not have. But we also slowly fell out of paradise, were split, no longer whole and could only live love symbiotically in dependence and the greatest "appearance" of what love is. It made me realise a lot about myself and, above all, about being human and about love. I knew that I had to close this gap, this phantom pain within myself. I had to be able to love myself without having the mirror of a good twin with me. I had to find the "good" in myself. I had to learn to accept the huge pain when someone projected their rejection or hatred into me. Because if I continued to punish rejection of myself with rejection, I became a rejection myself. You can feel the rejection, because we are all connected. We were one cell. We were connected in love. I remember that. I hear it telepathically because we are entangled on more subtle levels. If I myself am in love, then I could also ignite this spark. Because light penetrates shadows. So I embrace the pain and watch my vibrating heart. I accept this surge that almost feels like a fever. I sweat and alchemise my pain until my heart turns to butter. Smaller waves of vibration emerge. They become calmer and I pacify by singing. In the forest, in the water and in the churches, where I am. Where the vibrations can have the greatest effect. I sing my tones and connect to All. Here I see my sister and remember. I remember our duet at communion “Sing Hallelujah with me,” where we were "one", and I sing myself back there. I yodel Hallelujah back to myself. Here my soul talks to her soul and reminds her of our connection. Here we are one and can cry. I surrender. And realise that an identical twin is the most extreme mirror of your own projections in order to recognise oneself at the core.